Clues
by Kitty O
Summary: Most of the time, Merlin acts normally. But then every once in a while, he acts... not like himself. It's in the eyes. It's in the smile. It's in the way he very nearly jumped. What's wrong with him? Can we fix it? No slash. Complete
1. The Wall Incident

**WARNINGS: Possible attempted suicide?**

The first clue was just Merlin's attitude. Oh, usually it was fine. He still acted like himself for the most part; he smiled and joked and talked. Merlin still made fun of his master and disappeared for reasons that he was very vague about.

But sometimes, when Arthur made a joke, he wouldn't laugh. He would just stare at him as though he didn't get it. Sometimes Merlin's smile would fade when he thought no one was looking, and his shoulders would slump and his eyes would almost close.

Arthur didn't notice for a while, but when he picked up on it, he didn't do anything. The way he figured it, either the problem would go away or Merlin would bring it up.

The second clue was the changes in Merlin's behavior. He stopped doing Merlin-like things. Once, Arthur asked about Gwen and Merlin replied that he didn't know: he hadn't spoken to Gwen in weeks. Merlin stopped following Gaius around, and he stopped talking as much, as though the effort was too much. He had circles under his eyes now, and though he didn't act tired, Arthur knew he wasn't sleeping much. Merlin rarely played immature jokes, as though he just couldn't be bothered to.

Basically, a lot of the things he did weren't like him.

The third clue was a little hard to miss. Merlin tried to throw himself off the wall. He was walking beside Arthur, talking about something completely pointless the way Merlin did, when suddenly his mouth snapped shut. Arthur glanced up from where he had been looking on the ground, and glanced towards Merlin only to see that the man's eyes were glued onto the part of the wall that dipped down. If a person fell down there, they would end up in pieces on the road. Arthur couldn't believe his eyes when Merlin, who had half a second ago been chatting happily, suddenly lunged for the edge of the wall.

"Merlin!" hollered Arthur, reaching out to grab the man back. Merlin stopped, though, right before he reached the wall, and didn't throw himself off as it seemed he was going to. It was as though he'd performed a strange dance move in the middle of his walk.

Arthur's hand latched onto his shoulder and jerked him back, and Merlin turned with a perfectly calm face to look at the prince. "Yes?"

"_What was that about?"_ Arthur nearly shrieked, his heart thudding away about a million beats per second.

"I tripped."

"Tripped? Merlin, you nearly threw yourself off the castle wall!"

"What? Why would I do that?" Merlin looked perplexed.

"How would I know? _Mer_lin, what just happened? Why did you do that?" Arthur gasped it all out in one breath, feeling somehow both frozen in horror and livid with fury.

"Arthur, I don't know what you're talking about!" snapped Merlin, looking angry. "If I fell off the wall, I'd probably die!"

Arthur stared at him. _Obviously._ What did Merlin think he was upset about if not that near death situation?

"That would be really stupid, Arthur. I just tripped. I'm clumsy, alright?" A bit more huffy than he had right to be, Merlin stormed off.

Arthur watched him go, eyes wide. It occurred to him that Merlin hadn't been very careful lately. He didn't hold the shield very high during Arthur's practice. He didn't make enough of an effort to duck things Arthur threw. When the hunting party was attacked by bandits, Merlin didn't seem concerned by the arrows. Arthur had written all that off to being clumsy.

What if it wasn't?

Merlin said that he had tripped.

It looked like he had tripped… But then why had Arthur thought that he was trying to – Arthur had to pause before he thought the un-Merlin words – commit suicide?

The question haunted Arthur all day and stole his sleep. He laid in his bed, eyebrows drawn together, trying to understand.

And he was unaware that elsewhere, Merlin was on his stomach on his own bed, face stuffed in a pillow, beating his blanket with a fist and crying out, "Stop! Just… go away! Get out! _Leave me alone!_"

**A/N: I warn you, I have no idea if I'll continue this. I may. I may not. If no one likes it, I might even delete it. It just came into my head, so I wrote it down and decided to publish. I'm posting it as Complete, but who knows? And if I do continue, I'll probably do it after I finish another story; I'm working on 6 now. Okay, well, just let me know what you think of the story or what you think is going on.**


	2. The Next Day

**A/N: Here's inside Merlin's head. But no, it won't tell you what's going on. But it may give you a hint.** **I realize it's short, but it actually took longer than the first chapter because I had to tweak it a bunch to keep it from giving too much away. **

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><p><em>Wake up. Eyes, open. <em>

_Lie there. Hurt a bit?_

_Feet, legs, hit the floor. Yawn a bit; yes, that's fine. _

_Walk out the door and greet Gaius. _

"G'morning, Gaius."

_Eat some breakfast… That's enough. There's no need for more. _

_Leave the physician's chambers. Head through the castle and down the hall to Arthur's room. _

_Draw the curtains and get him up. _

_Duck that flying goblet—No, too late, don't bother. Could've gotten hurt right there. Be more careful. _

_Get breakfast for Arthur. _

_Oh, he said an insult. Reply with another…_

_Come on, an insult…_

"You know best; you're the prat—uh, prince."

_That was weak. _

_Follow Arthur to training. _

_Stay away from the wall, because yesterday nearly ended in death. Attempting suicide was stupid, very stupid, so don't do it again. _

_Watch Arthur train. _

_Hurt a bit? _

_That blade sure looks good, doesn't it? Getting too close to that would be a lot like trying to jump off the castle…_

Oh, shut up.

_Leave training. _

_Do the other chores Arthur gave. Polish that, clean that, wipe that, scrub that, brush that… Don't knock that over. _

_Get Arthur's meal. _

_Talk to him. Be natural. _

_If he asks what's wrong, say nothing. _

"Nothing, really. I'm fine."

_Hurry to get away. _

_Let him go to bed. Ask if there's anything he needs. _

"Will there be anything else, Sire?"

_Go. _

_Walk down the hall. _

_Greet Gwen._

"Hello, Gwen. How is everything?"

_Talk to her for a minute, then say good-bye and leave. _

"I'll see you tomorrow, then."

_Go._

_Say no to dinner. _

"I'm not hungry. No, really, I'm not… Gaius… I'm not hungry, I…"

_Just accept and take a few bites. _

_Push back the chair. _

_Wish him goodnight. _

"I'm too exhausted to stay up any longer. Good night, Gaius."

_Go into the room. _

_Sit on the bed. _

_Don't bother with that thought. Dismiss it. _

_Really, just forget it. _

_Hurt a bit? _

_Eyes, close. _

_Body, relax._

_Go to sleep. _


	3. The Day After That

**A/N: Sorry if Merlin seems OOC to anyone. Well, I mean, most of the story he's supposed to be- that's the point. But... just... argh, nevermind. Read on, and please review? By the way, to those who wondered: Yes, I do know where the story is going, actually. I've got it mostly planned out... to the climax anyway. I'm a bit foggy on the resolution, but my stories are always like that. Review, please?**

**(To anyone who's wondering about my updates of my other stories: Coming right up, really! I've been busy past couple of days and so just published these prewritten/quick chapters, but I will write _Of the Wooded Land_ Friday and _Fired_ hopefully around that time; after that, I want to focus on _Fired_ and my _Bonanza_ story until they are finished.)**

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><p>The day after Merlin nearly fell – Arthur replaced the word 'jumped' with that in his mind – off the wall, Arthur was going to speak to Gaius about Merlin's behavior. Before he fell asleep the night of the accident, he fixed that intention firmly in his mind as the right course of action. Gaius needed to know, even if it would worry him.<p>

…Even if it was probably nothing.

Because Gaius was older and wiser and would know what to do.

But the next morning, his determination wavered. Merlin just acted so normal…. But was _acting_ the key word there? His stupid smile never wavered. He didn't duck the goblet a half-asleep Arthur threw at him, but it seemed as though that was truly an accident. When Arthur insulted him, he insulted right back, even if it was a flimsy one.

"You know best; you're the prat—uh, prince."

Arthur laughed and thought that maybe he'd been mistaken the day before.

When they had to cross the walkway on the castle wall, Arthur watched Merlin closely, but the servant stayed far from the edge. During training he acted normal.

That night, when he left Arthur's chambers, Arthur watched and saw him stop and speak to Guinevere.

The prince decided that perhaps Gaius didn't need to know.

But that night, he couldn't sleep again. The thought that he might be wrong plagued him, kept him awake. He pulled the covers up to his chin when he got too cold. He pushed them down to his waist; it was too hot. Arthur turned and even tossed a bit, and eventually he wiped his sweaty face and resolved to tell Gaius the next day, no matter what Merlin acted like. Because if he was wrong about it being 'nothing,' and Merlin decided to jump off a cliff or something…

Arthur didn't even know, but it would be bad; he knew that much.

So the next morning, when a chipper Merlin pushed aside his curtains and let sunshine pour into the room, Arthur got up with a single thought in mind: Get to Gaius.

Between breakfast and training and his father calling him, it was early afternoon before Arthur managed to send Merlin off on a chore and go see Gaius.

"Sire?"

Arthur smiled a little at the old physician as he shut the door behind him. "Gaius, there you are. I just wanted to ask you a question… about Merlin."

"Is something wrong, Sire? What did he do this time?"

Arthur came forward, fiddling with a bottle on one of Gaius's tables. He stared at it as though it was something very interesting. "Have you, um, have you noticed him acting odd lately?"

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean." Gaius had a strange look on his face when Arthur's eyes flickered to him, something between nervous and suspicious.

Arthur sighed and threw all caution to the wind. Hopefully he wasn't too blunt and didn't scare the old man. "I mean," he said, lifting his head and stilling his hand, "that most of the time, Merlin's fine. But occasionally he acts strange. It's little things, mostly, like the way he'll suddenly stop smiling or miss a perfectly good opportunity to make a joke. He's not as talkative – not that I miss his inane chatter – and just, sometimes, doesn't act like usual."

"Maybe he's feeling a little under the weather—"

_Get it out fast; it'll be easier to say._ "And the day before yesterday I think he tried to throw himself off the castle wall."

A moment of silence.

"_What?"_

"He said he tripped, and I admit it looked a little like he did, but just for a moment I could've sworn he was about to jump off, Gaius. And I _know_ that isn't like Merlin."

Gaius looked flabbergasted, his mouth a little open and his eyebrows raised. "Sire, are you sure; I haven't noticed…"

He stopped speaking, and in the same second both men realized that the door had somehow been opened, and Merlin stood in the doorway.

"Arthur?"

Arthur blinked. "Merlin, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to polish…" He stopped speaking when his throat suddenly went dry. Merlin was looking at him, but Arthur could swear he wasn't listening. His eyes looked darker than usual, and seemed to be looking right past Arthur… Or maybe inside him. Arthur was used to Merlin suddenly changing expressions, suddenly looking wise or goofy….

But he'd never seen his manservant look so blank, as if he just didn't know how to react and his body shut down.

It was creepy.

But the moment passed, and anger filled Merlin's blue eyes. "Arthur, what are you doing? I told you… I just tripped. You're making a big deal out of nothing! Gaius, tell him he's being ridiculous!"

Gaius remained silent, looking more shocked than before.

After a second of looking like a volcano about to blow, Merlin turned on his heel and stormed off, his eyes once more a lighter blue.

Arthur and Gaius stared at each other without saying a word, but Arthur had a feeling they were thinking the same thing. They'd both seen the look on Merlin's face, and it was scary.


	4. The Same Day

Merlin walked down the hall with the determined gait of someone who had an important destination in mind, though he didn't.

_They suspect, thanks to the incident with the castle wall. That will need to be fixed, soon. _

But what could be done?

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><p>Morgana sat at her window, looking out over the Camelot that would soon be hers, smirking. Actually, she was trying not to smirk and failing.<p>

When Morgana first came back to Camelot, she'd used the smirk as a bit of a release for her emotions. She wasn't used to hiding them; usually, she just said how she felt and got what she wanted. She smirked when she had no other way to get her clandestine contempt or pleasure out of her system.

Lately, though, she felt she just couldn't control it… Whenever she was happy or angry or frustrated, she felt her lips begin to twist and realized she was giving another half-smile. It was very frustrating; after all, what kind of queen would she be if she looked like she was attempting (and_ not_ managing) to look seductive all the time?

She would have to work on that…

Morgana pushed the thought to the side and went back to that which had caused her to smirk in the first place: the imminent fall of Uther Pendragon and rise of one Queen Morgana. Oh, they'd had plans before, of course. And most of them (well, all of them) had failed.

This time they would not, because Morgana and Morgause had a secret weapon. More secret than Morgana. Another tool to use in their plans to bring magic back to Camelot and Morgana onto the throne.

And it was such an unexpected break, really. Morgana_ never_ thought that she would find an ally _there. _

The world worked in odd ways sometimes.

Her rise to power would be _sweet; _the sweet taste of victory over her enemies.

One enemy in particular. That victory would be especially nice.

She smirked, then stopped herself and tried to school her expression.


	5. Still the Same Day

**A/N: 100 review in 4 chapters? Wow. Thanks a lot! I think that's a record!**

When Gaius sat Merlin down to talk to him, he looked so normal that Gaius wished he didn't have to have the conversation at all.

But then he remembered the boy's face earlier that day.

"Merlin," he said slowly, sitting down across the table from his ward. "I want to talk to you."

Merlin sighed and gave a weak smile. "This is about what Arthur said to you earlier?"

No use lying or beating around the bush. "Yes."

Sighing, Merlin rested his arms on the table. "I'm sorry, Gaius, I know I had no right to be angry about it… Arthur thought he had to tell you, and of course you had to listen."

"No, my boy, it's not that… Well, it is, but not directly."

Merlin tilted his head to the side as the thought entered his head: Gaius and Arthur both were acting strangely… almost fumbling, as though Merlin was something strange and new, and might bite or bolt. Like… they didn't quite know how to act?

_The Wall Incident. They're confused and perhaps scared. _

He _had_ to allay that fear.

"The wall?" he guessed, and sighed again, shaking his head. He didn't meet Gaius's eyes.

"Yes, Merlin. Arthur told me that—" Gaius seemed to pause and think. "It seemed you intended to jump off."

"Gaius, I _swear_," he said, looking up, his eyes pools of honest blue – almost _too_ honest, considering this_ was _Merlin – as they met Gaius's. "It was an _accident._ I tripped and then caught myself. I don't know why Arthur is making such a huge deal out of it." His smile became slightly self-mocking. "I wouldn't think it would be that hard to believe, me tripping."

"Merlin, I…" Gaius shook his head, and saw Merlin stiffen.

"Gaius, you have to believe me!" Merlin was beginning to look alarmed, almost disbelieving himself.

"I believe you, Merlin. But you have to admit Arthur has a point about something." Suddenly finding that he couldn't sit still anymore, Gaius got to his feet, grunting a bit, and walked towards the medicine table, preparing to fix some sort of concoction. "You have been acting rather strange lately."

Merlin deflated a bit but said nothing.

"You haven't been acting like yourself, and I've noticed you haven't been eating as much, but you never mentioned anything to me." He turned around and met Merlin's eyes. "I can't very well watch out for you for your mother if you don't tell me when something's wrong."

Merlin shrugged a bit and looked at the floor, his face very still. "Sometimes… you know, sometimes things just happen." He gave Gaius a long look. "It'll just take a while, I'll be fine."

Gaius winced inwardly, remembering all the times he'd had this conversation with Merlin. When Will died. When he lost that druid girl. When Balinor was killed. Merlin tried not to talk about it too much, keeping his report of what happened concise and assuring Gaius he would be fine after a bit. And usually he was; he seemed to find solace in various places. Sometimes he even cried, but not for long, at least not where he could be seen. Gaius wanted to help, but he was just a dry, caustic old man. What could he do to help Merlin cope?

"Merlin," he said, feeling that it pained him to say the words, "if you want to talk about it…"

"No," snapped Merlin, and then checked himself. "Thanks, Gaius, but it's not a big deal…" He forced the next words out as though they were embarrassing. "I'll figure it out, really, and everything will be fine."

"Well—"

"Be careful?" There was the grin Gaius missed. Merlin's eyes lit up with mirth.

"Yes, Merlin." Gaius quirked an eyebrow, a strange look on his face, but in the next second it was gone.

"I always am, Gaius. I'd better go; Arthur will be wondering where I am." He stood up hurriedly, though he must've guessed that Arthur knew what Gaius was doing. "Heaven forbid the prat get himself ready for bed."

With one last smile, only a shade faked, Merlin slipped from the room and left Gaius alone. The old man sighed, turning to his silent thoughts, and went back to mixing remedies.

_There. Now he'll assume the problem is magical or secretive or "destiny" and tell Arthur not to press the subject. _

And then, believing what Merlin said about being fine, they would leave him alone.

_Which is perfect. _

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><p><strong>AN: Eh, that felt forced to write, could you tell? I've never been happy with how I write Gauis, and this conversation is so unlike the ones they usually have about Merlin's various heartbreaks. But it was completely necessary. So... how did I do? Please review and tell me if it was okay or if I need to fix it!**


	6. A Week or So Back

**Warnings: Eh, some blood, some violence. **

The first day Arthur could remember Merlin acting strangely was a week or so back, when the sorcerers were killed.

Four sorcerers, to be exact; word had reached the king that four sorcerers were hiding in a shack, well covered by trees and shrubbery, just outside of Camelot. Uther was sending his son to take care of them—to either get them alive for execution, or to kill them if they resisted. It was when they were preparing for the trip that Merlin began to behave oddly.

"But what have they _done_?" asked Merlin as he helped Arthur into his armor. "They haven't killed anyone or… or anything like that."

"Merlin, they have magic," pointed out Arthur, a little tired of the conversation. He didn't particularly like it either, but it wasn't his place to argue with a direct order from his king. Besides, they were magic. They deserved it. Right?

"_But what have they done_?" repeated Merlin, his voice slightly desperate, though his face remained calm.

Arthur sighed. He was used to Merlin questioning his decisions, but if the servant thought he could correct what the king had said, he had another thing coming. Turning to his friend, he told the man just that. "We're following the king's orders, Merlin. We don't question them."

Merlin's expression made it obvious that he thought they should. "So we're just going to attack people who aren't doing any harm?"

"Not just people. Sorcerers. And they are doing harm… Merlin, they have magic, and magic—"

"Is evil, I know." Merlin looked suddenly very tired, like just standing there hurt and he wanted to lie down.

Arthur thought briefly about saying that Merlin didn't have to go, but he didn't think he could say that without making it sound as if he sympathized, even if he called Merlin a girl while he did it. So he just gestured for his sword to be given to him.

After that conversation, Merlin acted normally again… Until they reached the shack. While Arthur and the knights spread out and prepared to charge the sorcerers who thought they were safe inside, Merlin stared blankly at the hut, looking a little like he was thinking about just giving up the ghost and dying right there. Arthur didn't like the expression in the least, but he didn't say anything because they were trying to be quiet.

With a signal from him, everyone, including Merlin, rushed towards the shack. The door smashed open under one of the knight's weight, and men in armor spilled inside. Arthur heard a holler, and looked over to see a young man, perhaps in his twenties, with dark hair. The man – sorcerer – grabbed up a blade near him and ran at the oncoming knights, his face contorted. Leon killed the man.

Another man – probably a teenager – pushed two knights back with an upraised hand, a shouted word, and a gold glimmer in his eye. Several more knights charged him, but most were thrown backwards before one finally got to the sorcerer and skewered him. Arthur saw a blood-covered blade come out of his midsection, and turned his attention away.

A middle aged man stood in front of Arthur, holding a blade and with golden eyes. Arthur crouched and prepared for a fight.

The one he faced was surprisingly good with a blade. He struck at Arthur, and Arthur parried, and then tried for a blow of his own. It was blocked. The process was repeated.

Behind him, Arthur saw movement and a flash of white: the fourth sorcerer was creeping up behind him. Perhaps the knights would get it, but Arthur tensed even as he fought the other man, ready to spin around if the last, older sorcerer got too close and no one killed or stopped him.

The middle-aged man, who had a beard and sandy hair, nearly took Arthur's head off, but the prince noticed with a corner of his mind that the white-haired sorcerer had stopped approaching, and seemed to be… Arthur gave a quick twirl, mid-fight, and blocked another sword thrust… Yes, the older man was just standing there, staring at something.

Sandy slipped up, took a little too long with his blow, and Arthur killed him, neatly severing his head from his shoulders. Blood spilled out, and Arthur spun as fast as he could to face the last sorcerer…

No need, he was already dead, with a sword in his back.

Arthur relaxed and looked up. The taking of four lives lasted about five minutes in all. He glanced over at Merlin, and found the lanky man was just standing there, staring at the dead men. His eyes looked darker than usual, but they were probably just clouded…

And a single tear was making its way down his cheek.

"Merlin?"

Merlin just kept staring, and Arthur felt irrationally frightened.

"Merlin. _Mer_lin!"

Finally Merlin glanced up, and their gazes met. "Sire."

"What…" Arthur wanted to ask what he was doing, but that was obvious. He wanted to say something about no one being worth his tears, but the words died in his throat. He wanted to know why Merlin was crying over four dead sorcerers, but somehow he found he just couldn't ask.

So he left Merlin alone and turned to his knights. "Very good… I guess our work here is done."

Merlin was completely silent all the way back to Camelot, but he didn't cry anymore. He just stared darkly at anything that came into his line of sight. But by the next day, he was back to normal, and so Arthur let himself forget about it… Mostly.

In the back of his mind, he still wondered.


	7. Still a Week or So Back

The first day Morgana remembered Merlin acting differently was the day Arthur killed the four sorcerers.

It was a week or so back; she couldn't remember the last day. But she remembered smiling and playing the sweet ward while she inwardly simmered at the loss of magical life. She remembered that she had talked to Morgause that day, not to form any kind of plan… Just talked. By the time Arthur and Merlin had made it back to Camelot, she had been ready with her uncaring mask.

By Merlin surprised her. He wasn't smiling, his usual expression. He didn't even look solemn over the death he'd witnessed. Merlin wore a dark glare that Morgana quickly placed as anger, perhaps sorrow.

She had to stop herself from walking forward and stopping him, asking what was wrong. Not that she cared, but Morgana had a healthy dose of curiosity hidden down inside of her, and Merlin had awoken it. Shaking her head, Morgana walked forward to greet Arthur as he got down off his horse.

"I'm glad you're back," she lied as Arthur swung his leg over the animal, climbing down.

Arthur nodded, smiling at her. "I should go report to my father," he said, and added, glancing over his shoulder, "Make sure the horses get put up, Merlin."

Merlin took a whole three seconds to reply. "Uh… yes. Yes, Sire."

Morgana peered at him suspiciously.

Nowadays when Merlin looked at Morgana, he generally either avoided her eyes or gave her angry glowers. However, in that moment he met her eyes and seemed to study her for a second, as though he was remembering every detail he knew about her. And then he tilted his head to the side in a Merlin-like way and smiled… Not in a Merlin-like way. It didn't reach his eyes. No, this was a wolfish grin, almost one of surprise, she thought, but then the expression was gone so fast that she could've imagined it. (Though something told her she didn't.) The sullen, sorry expression was back in an instant.

Merlin climbed down off his horse and reached over to grab the reins, meaning that she could no longer see his face.

Immediately she called out, "Merlin…"

He turned around and looked at her expectantly. "Yes?"

"Um." She bit her lip and then shook her head. "Nothing."

Turning on her heal, Morgana walked away, her head held high with the arrogance that had become normal to her since her "kidnapping." Behind her, she could feel Merlin's eyes.

Morgana told herself that she would seek him out later. She would probably just pull him into that little nook and grab onto his arm like before, demanding to know what had happened to make him different.

She would seek him out eventually, she told herself.

But as it turned out, he came and found her first.

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><p>Unlike Arthur and Morgana, Gaius didn't notice Merlin acting strangely that day. Merlin came in and greeted him, saying a little about the sorrow he felt over the sorcerers' death, but how at the sight of Arthur and the knights, they had all attacked. Making their deaths more or less inevitable; if Arthur hadn't gotten them, Merlin would've had to defeat them to protect the prince.<p>

If Merlin sounded a little flat when he said the words, as though he was so tired of them that he barely meant them, then Gaius really couldn't blame him. Things like this were hard on Merlin. Merlin ate, went back to check and see if Arthur needed anything else, and then went to bed.

Gaius was up late mixing a remedy, and it wasn't until he crossed the chambers on his way to his own bed that he heard it; the soft sound coming from Merlin's room. They were irregular and shaking, and Gaius thought he recognized it after a second: crying.

Now, Gaius had treated enough injured children (and adults; when injured even they could be babies) to know the sound of someone stuffing their face into a pillow and crying. He just didn't know why _Merlin_ would do it; that boy could face almost anything with a smile. And no one, as far as Gaius knew, had died recently.

It had to be something else then.

Merlin would tell him about it in his own time, if it was indeed anything at all. Perhaps Gaius even imagined it. His hearing was not what it once was, for Gaius was an old man. And he couldn't hear the crying anymore.

Gaius went to sleep, muttering to himself, but it wasn't until long afterwards that Merlin's dry, hitching sobs ceased.

By the next morning, Merlin was so bright and goofy that no one would have believed he'd been so upset just hours earlier. He was back, just like usual, completely himself. And the next day, and the next. Whatever it was that had haunted him seemed to be gone.

But slowly, people began to pick up on the changes. The delayed reactions. The dark look in his eyes. The little things that they hadn't noticed at first. And then, of course, came the day that Merlin "tripped" and very nearly took a flying leap off the castle.

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><p><strong>AN: Please review. However, since I just _know_ someone's about to complain about Merlin being OOC: trust me, again, it's on purpose.**


	8. Back to the Present

As soon as Merlin took his leave from Gaius, the old man put down his medicinal things and sat down, thinking things over silently to himself. He sat there for while, eyebrows moving up and down with his thoughts, but his eyes just stared into space.

After a few minutes, he sighed and heaved himself to his feet.

Checking to make sure that nothing would catch on fire or burn while he was gone, Gaius shuffled out the door and down the hall, still thinking.

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><p>When Merlin came back from talking with Gaius, he looked perfectly normal. Arthur watched him impatiently as he gave his master an empty smile and began polishing Arthur's boots.<p>

Arthur opened his mouth, as though he wanted to say something but wasn't quite sure what it was.

After a moment, Merlin seemed to sense his eyes. Looking up from the floor, Merlin asked, "Something wrong?"

Arthur gave himself a mental shake. "No."

Merlin shrugged and looked away. Frustrated, Arthur considered grabbing him by the shoulders and screaming, _"What is wrong with you?"_

There was a silence. And then Arthur turned and walked from the room, scowling. If Merlin wasn't going to say anything about their talk, Arthur would just have to ask Gaius about it instead.

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><p>"Gaius!"<p>

"Sire."

Arthur strode over to Gaius, his coat catching the wind. "How did it go?"

Gaius had been walking down the hall, but now he stopped to talk to his future ruler. "Merlin, you mean?"

"Yes, of course." Arthur looked impatient and a little worried, and Gaius realized all over again that the wall incident two days ago had really shaken him up.

"Sire, Merlin…" Gaius thought about his answer. He had wanted to wait a bit before he told Arthur what he thought, because if he was wrong (or perhaps even if he was right) Merlin might get into trouble. "I'm sure he'll be fine," he finished lamely.

Arthur arched his eyebrows in surprise. "That's it? Why has he been acting so strangely?"

"Sire, Merlin has not been feeling quite well lately, but it is, I'm sure, passing. And he seemed quite insistent that he just tripped on the wall the other day." Gaius tried to sound trustworthy. Arthur wasn't going to believe him, but Gaius needed to bluff through it for now.

Arthur stared at him in disbelief. "Gaius, you _know_ that's not right!"

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "Arthur, you are a prince, and I am a physician."

Looking completely taken by surprise, Arthur considered ordering Gaius as the man's prince to tell what he really thought. But he knew Gaius wouldn't listen. Gaius was being just as secretive as Merlin. Arthur could read the lie on the old man's face…

_But WHY?_

Arthur snapped his mouth shut and shook his head. Gaius could see his jaw tensing.

"Fine," he growled. Then he turned around and walked away, not noticing Gaius's sigh of relief.

If no one would tell him willingly, Arthur would _make _Merlin tell him. He was just angry enough to shake that stupid servant until his teeth rattled in his head.

Gaius continued down the hall, his pace a little faster.

* * *

><p>Geoffrey of Monmouth, the librarian, was used to Gaius coming in and wanting to see books that weren't strictly allowed. He was used to strange questions accompanying these strange books and requests.<p>

But this had to be one of the oddest.

Gaius walked up to Geoffrey at his desk, his old face tired and lined… and was that worry?

"Geoffrey, I need to see a book. Near the back of the library." Where the less-sanctioned books were kept.

Geoffrey raised his gray eyebrows.

"It's for Uther," Gaius lied.

"What book?"

"Anything about… Eyes changing colors. No, not a sorcerer's gold. Eyes changing colors as perhaps a result of a spell. Either the caster or the person it was cast on. A backfiring spell, maybe, or a side effect. Maybe a sickness... Probably not a natural one."

Did he have any books on eyes changing colors? Probably. If it was a result of a spell or a magical sickness, it would probably be in the back. "Any particular color?" asked Geoffrey out of curiosity, standing up and groaning as his feet ached. He started for the back of the library, making sure Gaius followed him.

"Black," said Gaius.


	9. Same Day Again

**Warnings: Bits of violence; one word that is kinda-sorta abbreviated (ish) profanity. **

With an angry growl, Arthur threw open his door and stormed inside, slamming it shut behind him and spinning to face the sole occupant of the room.

"Merlin!" he barked, hands balled into fists and resting on his hips.

Merlin was sitting on the floor, a piece of armor in his lap, polishing leisurely. Looking up, an expression of innocent surprise flitted across his face. "What is it?"

"Stand up," ordered Arthur, his face hard.

Inside Merlin's head, an image of Arthur's impassive face as he arrested the manservant on some trumped-up charge surfaced, but was pushed away. This wasn't an arrest; there were no guards. But Arthur _was_ angry. Reluctantly, he placed the breast plate on the floor and stood, making his way over to Arthur.

Arthur held his eyes, blue on blue.

"Merlin," he said slowly, "What is wrong?"

"Sorry, Sire?"

"What is wrong with you? _Why_ are you acting this way recently?"

Neither man moved for three seconds. Then Merlin looked away from Arthur, down at his sword by his side. A dangerous thought crossed his mind.

Then:

_Hurt a bit?_

Wincing, Merlin moved his eyes back up. "Is this about the wall, Arthur? How many times do I have to say that—?"

_Why did they all _lie_ to him?_

The prince 's face contorted and his hands reached out, grabbing onto Merlin's shirt and bunching the fabric in his hand, yanking so Merlin nearly lost his balance. _"Don't say that again, Merlin!" _

Eyes wide with something like panic, Merlin tried to pull back, but Arthur's firm grip on him kept him in place. Fabric pulled painfully at Merlin's neck.

"Arthur, let go, I…"

Arthur shook his servant for emphasis. "Tell me what's really wrong! No one ever tells me anything." His teeth clenched together and he pulled the fabric more, now positively growling into the terrified servant's face.

"Arthur, that _hurts_—" Arthur shook him again and Merlin broke off in a whimper as he accidentally bit his tongue.

"_Dammit,_ _Mer_lin, tell me the truth!"

From the look on Merlin's face, he was sure Arthur had gone mad. Arthur _looked_ like a madman; face red, teeth bared like a feral animal's…

"_Please_, Arthur, let go, I don't know what you're talking about," Merlin jabbered, trying to pull back again. The fabric gave a small ripping sound, still tugging at the back of his neck. Thanks to Arthur's battle-hardened hands pulling the fabric hard, it was also catching his skin at the front of his neck, making it hard for him to speak at all.

Lip curling in sudden disgust, Arthur shoved Merlin away from him. Two fists buried themselves in Merlin's chest, and then the servant went stumbling away from his angry master. Arthur was unquestionably the stronger of the two, and Merlin was a small man, so the dark-haired man couldn't stop himself. He tripped over the pile of armor on the ground and went crashing into an ungraceful heap on the floor, trying to catch himself but failing. Metal was flung across the floor to the corners of the room. Merlin cried out as his elbow struck the ground.

The fury left Arthur as quickly as it had come, draining along with the color in his face. Merlin was twisted into an awkward position, one arm under him and the other trying to catch him. His chest and cheek were pressed against the floor for a second while neither man moved; Merlin trying to adapt to his change in position and Arthur trying to realize that he had just shoved his servant, _hit_ him. And like a little boy who stepped on his puppy's paw, he was instantly contrite.

Then Merlin pushed himself up and turned to look at Arthur. His face was creased in (rightful) anger, teeth clenched. And then Arthur's jaw slackened. Just as they had done at the end of his argument with Gaius, Merlin's irises flashed black as his hair.

_NO! Don't use magic! Don't hurt Arthur!_

Merlin's eyes faded back to blue and the angry expression slipped from his face like water off of glass, one of extreme hurt taking its place. His eyebrows drew together and his eyes were wide with confusion. "Arthur…" he stuttered. "Why…? What…?"

Arthur shook himself off hurriedly. _Did I just imagine that? Surely. I knew they'd gone darker lately, but black? I must have imagined it…_

Ashamed, Arthur crossed the room and offered a hand to help Merlin up. "I should not have done that, Merlin," he admitted, as always treading around the actual apology.

But Merlin didn't take his hand. He just stared at Arthur with confusion and a tiny bit of fear.

The room was again silent for several seconds.

And then Arthur took his hand back, mumbled an excuse, and fled just slowly enough so it didn't look like he was fleeing. Merlin watched him silently as he left the room. Still walking fast, Arthur strode down the hall in search of Gaius, mind whirling, surer every second that he _hadn't_ imagined it.


	10. And Again

**A/N: Hey, when I went back a few days ago and replaced a chapter, I did mess something up. An unsigned reviewer pointed out to me that Chapter 7 and 8 were the same; if it was you, know that I went and fixed it… 7 is 7 again :) Also, some people pointed out that I never said there was a conversation with Gaius where Merlin's eyes turned black. No, you're right, I never did, but it's not an oversight—I haven't gotten there yet. I apologize for everyone's confusion. I've never written any mystery stories before and I'm not sure I'm doing it just right! But I promise we're getting there!**

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><p>Morgana faced her sister, chewing her lip and thinking nervously that it was very dangerous to be meeting in the middle of the day, even if it was out in the forest.<p>

"How is the royal family, Sister?"

"Clueless," Morgana assured the blonde, pulling her cloak tighter about herself. "Arthur and Uther will never see it coming."

"And Merlin?"

Morgana smiled maliciously. "Everything is under control."

"Very good."

Impatient, Morgana said a bit more sharply than she intended, "What is taking so long, Morgause? Why can't we do it _now_?"

Morgause's cool hand on her cheek stopped her. "Patience, Sister. I am still perfecting the invisibility spell, just a few more days. And I am considering sending for Cenred's men…"

Morgana did not roll her eyes, but it was a close thing. "Why? We don't need them, not this time…"

Morgause shrugged. "As backup… But you are right. We don't need backup. Not this time."

* * *

><p>"Gaius?"<p>

Gaius had barely made it back to his chambers, his arms full of books that Geoffrey had reluctantly let him borrow, when the future king walked in. Arthur's fists were clenched at his sides, and he kept looking up and then down, a sure sign that he was uncomfortable.

"Yes, Sire?" asked Gaius, putting down the heavy volume that he had been flipping through and wishing Arthur would go away and leave him to do something constructive for Merlin.

Arthur shut the door behind him, glancing at it nervously and obviously not wishing for a repeat of the last time he'd talked to Gaius.

"It's about Merlin."

"I assumed it was, Sire." A spark of worry found its way into his chest. "Has something happened to him?" He started to stand, but Arthur waved his hand in a gesture that put him partly at ease.

"Nothing like that, Gaius. Though I suppose something has." Arthur stood by the table where Gaius had his books piled. "I went to talk to Merlin after I left you, and when he refused to cooperate, I lost my temper." Arthur decided to skip over the part with the shove for now. (Not that he was scared of the old man's reaction; he just wanted to save time.) " He got angry at me, and Gaius, for a second, I thought his eyes flashed black. Lately I thought that had been going darker, but I figured it was just the light… But no, they were black."

Arthur stopped. Gaius looked at him.

After a moment, feeling the need for emphasis, Arthur added, "As in, _black_. Instead of the usual blue."

Gaius sighed and looked down at his book. "I know, Sire."

"You've seen it happen too?"

"Yes, once. When I was talking to him earlier today, he became angry when I suggested he talk about what was wrong, and for a moment his eyes did indeed flash black."

"What does that _mean_?"

"I don't know, Sire. I'm doing research on the subject though." Here, Gaius gestured to the books sitting on his table. "I hope to find an answer in them."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" asked Arthur, having just thought of this.

This was going to be a tad awkward, Gaius knew. "Sire, you know how curious Merlin is, and how it tends to get him in trouble on occasion… I had no way of knowing whether Merlin's problem was…" He searched for the right word.

"Magical? It seems magical to me, Gaius."

"In case Merlin had accidentally stumbled upon something not natural that caused this, I didn't wish to get him in trouble."

Arthur was horrified. "Gaius, you didn't think Merlin had dabbled in _magic_? He wouldn't do that. No, Merlin knows better; he wouldn't betray the kingdom like that!"

"Of course not, Sire," Gaius soothed. "But even if he was just a victim of some magic, without proof, it could seem like…" He trailed off, hoping that Arthur would not notice that his last couple of sentences had been a load of hogwash. Gaius, however, was very accomplished at making utter illogical, badly thought out nonsense sound like the truth, and Arthur just nodded thoughtfully.

"Gaius, what is causing him to act this way, then? None of this is like him."

"I don't know, Sire. But if I could be left alone to my research…" He trailed off pointedly.

Arthur straightened. "Of course, Gaius. Tell me the minute you find the answer."

"I will, Sire."

Arthur turned, mostly satisfied, but with worry for Merlin still eating away at his stomach. He started for the door, just opening it when Gaius's voice stopped him.

"Wait, Sire. Don't tell Merlin anything we discussed in here."

Arthur looked back at him.

"It could just be a sickness of some kind, but until we know for sure, act as though you aren't noticing anything strange. If his eyes change colors again, tell me, but don't say anything to him. He might not be aware it's happening… Unless you already mentioned it, Sire?"

"No," Arthur managed to say, glad that he hadn't shouted it out as his instinct had told him to do. "No, I didn't."

"Good, Sire. Thank you for telling me what happened."

Arthur nodded one more time and left the room, shaking his head as he thought of his manservant and wondering. _What is happening with Merlin? What is going to happen?_

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry that I've been taking a while to update this story... See, I wait to publish chapters until I have 18 reviews for the one before. That's the lowest number I got for the first couple, so I set it as a sort of minimum. It helps keep things going...**


	11. And Once More

**A/N: Some people didn't agree with me waiting for reviews, and I'm sorry, but I thought that it was only fair to tell the readers what I intend to do. Besides, I'm sure everyone agrees that it is depressing when reviews (and apparently interests) drop in a story. **

**School will be starting soon. After it does, updates will slow. But since these chapters are thankfully short, I can type them in a day and hopefully publish more often. Yay! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. **

_**Thank you so much to my reviewers (especially regulars or semi-regulars) for giving me ground to stand on when it comes to the story!**_

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><p>Morgana shut her door and turned around, smirking to herself.<p>

_No, stop smirking, _she ordered herself, and shook her head. She really needed to work on that.

She looked up and gave a strained smile to the figure that stood by her bed, watching her with no expression. "Ah," she said, "you." After a pause, she added a name: "Merlin."

Merlin inclined his head. "My lady."

"Is there some reason for you being here?" she demanded, hearing her voice harden.

Merlin nodded and stepped forward. "Arthur."

"What about him?" she asked sourly. The man before her might have been a huge part of her forthcoming plan, but he was still annoying. She didn't want to put up with him. _Revenge,_ she reminded herself. _Revenge that Merlin himself will help me get… Delicious. _

"I think he's suspicious."

"Of what?"

"Me," he said, his face still blank. "He must have an inkling that something is up. He's been acting strange. Gaius, too."

Morgana rolled her eyes. "That's all you can give me? Suspicious? Acting strange? You can't even hold things together for a _few more days_?"

For a moment the blankness was replaced with anger. Then it faded. "I'm doing as you wish, but can't you… hurry things up? If the first part of the plan doesn't even come through…"

"We are 'hurrying' as much as we can, _Merlin_. Your job is to just stay in place and not raise suspicions. How hard is that?" She threw her hands in the air and turned away from Merlin with a swish of her skirts, reaching for the wine which sat on the table by the wall.

Merlin's eyes – blue at the moment, but dark – met hers, and his glare was hard. "I very nearly impaled myself with Arthur's sword today."

She whipped back around and looked him up and down for injuries. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I… didn't."

He paused as though struggling with a stubborn little thought, and his forehead creased in sudden pain and concentration.

_Hurt a bit?_

He shook his head and became smooth-faced once more. Looking tired, he sat on the edge of Morgana's bed. She wanted to snap at him for that but restrained herself.

"Try to keep those urges under control then," she said coldly. "It would do us absolutely no good if you winded up killing yourself." _And what would happen to my beautiful revenge? _She added the last part in her mind with a small smirk.

"I don't care for the idea either," he told her. "And I'm doing my best."

"Are you getting weaker?" she asked curiously, tilting her head as she turned back to the wine and poured herself a glass. She did not offer Merlin any.

"No," he told her, watching her pour the liquid. "But it only takes one slip up… Perhaps literally." He smiled briefly at the morbid humor.

"Then you must just deal with it. My plan will take a few days."

"Your plan?" Merlin raised an eyebrow at her, and if she had been looking she would have seen disgust in his eyes, usually well-hidden but coming out just for a second. "You and your sister are the diversion… Though valuable. I am the one actually carrying out 'your' plan, Morgana. You would do well not to forget that."

She nearly choked on her wine, but stopped herself. Instead she just glared at him, itching to set him on fire. _That's not proper revenge, though, _she thought.

Merlin gave her a short bow, almost a nod. His face was blank again. Then he straightened his neckerchief, and without any of the usual bumbling, he walked out of the room with one last thing said: "I will try to keep Arthur and Gaius in the dark. You try to hurry."

Morgana turned away from the door when it shut, scowling at the air. Impertinent: that's what he was.

She concentrated on her wine once more. She sniffed … _I love the smell of wine. _So sharp and full of taste. Like a clever wit. The wine was red as she tilted her cup back and let some splash into her mouth. Red like blood.

Merlin walked down the corridor, keeping his scowl internal and not letting it get on the front. Morgana was so frustrating, so uppity. She thought she was queen material?

Ha.

_She will not be an annoyance much longer. _

Smiling, the dark-haired man walked past a guard with a lethal spear in his grip, and deftly repressed another 'urge,' as Morgana put it. It was becoming easier.

_Not much longer._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hopefully that gave people more guesses as to what is wrong with Merlin! **


	12. That Night and the Next Morning

_He was standing, watching as Arthur – his master, his responsibility, his friend – destroyed people because the prince's father told him to. It didn't make it better that they attacked right back. The magic-users were still the victims of the king's laws…_

_But Merlin still had a job to do, and so he fought back the loathing and shame, focusing on watching Arthur fight. The prince could defeat the sandy-haired man, Merlin felt sure. _

_A tug. Merlin felt a tug on him, magical in nature, and looked up to find the old man, the old sorcerer, staring at him with eyes glowing. _

What? What is he doing?

_His eyes were hypnotic… Merlin felt himself being pulled in, pulled closer, his mind swirling dizzily. His thoughts made no sense. Who was he? _

_He was Merlin, right. Merlin, but he was so close to the other man… How could he be sure that he wasn't that sorcerer instead? He felt almost attached. _

No, I am Merlin. Son of Hunith and Balinor. Protector of Arthur. Merlin.

_There was a spell twisting around Merlin's body, pulling him closer. It had things… like tentacles. Yes, tentacles. Entwining with each other, tying him up, tying him to the sorcerer…_

_And then he was back in his own body… But no, he was looking at his own body, wasn't he? His old body, frail and bent, staring into his own eyes. Wasn't that his? _

Wait, who am I?

Who are you?

What?

_He was confused. Who was he? What was this? Someone else was in his body! Two people in one body! How was that possible? He felt like _one_. _

_No one else belonged in his body but him!_

I am Merlin, son of Hunith and Balinor. Who are you? What are you doing in my body and mind?

I am Orson, son of Olive and Samson. And I am taking over your body.

_Merlin felt horror rise up in him, but his expression didn't change. His heart didn't speed up. It was like his thoughts and emotions no longer had control of his body. _

_Oh, no._

No! I am Merlin! I am the most powerful warlock ever! You can't… can't… _Ewch allan o fy nghorff!_

_Orson saw the spell coming and blocked it easily. _

You are young, though. Powerful…. Yes, I see that in your memories. But young. And no longer in control of your body. Now, if you don't mind, I shall return my energy to getting used to your body… You move so much differently at this age.

_Merlin tried to struggle. It was hard to do when he couldn't move. He felt Orson's presence getting stronger. _

Better. Now… what? No!

_Orson caught sight of his own body, skewered and dead. No surprise there… But the rest. The ones who hadn't performed a spell that could keep their consciousnesses alive. The ones Orson had wanted to save, but hadn't taken control fast enough. _

_Dead. _

No!

_A single tear – Orson's tear – pushed past his defenses and onto Merlin's face. Grief welled up, touching Merlin too, creating in the warlock a confusing mix of pain and sorrow and anger and triumph and sympathy… Orson's resolve strengthened with his pain. Uther and his kind would pay for all the death today. _

_Merlin was powerless. Powerless as Orson made his plans, using Merlin's memories to do so. Powerless as Orson tricked everyone he knew effortlessly. Powerless as Orson worked out how to control his body: Let Merlin do the moving while dictating and ordering him what to do; only step in when Merlin disobeyed. When Merlin fought…_

_When Merlin fought… Especially when he fought and nearly wrested back control of his body…_

_When Merlin fought, punish him. _

And Merlin woke up from his dream at the thought, screaming in his head. But Orson's mind, controlling even in his sleep, stopped the scream from making its way into reality though Merlin's insides shrieked like a madman's. On the surface, Merlin's eyes remained closed and his breathing steady with peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p>Gaius had stayed up all the night looking for answers. He only put his books away when Merlin came home, and once Merlin was sleeping, he brought them back out again and once more began to peruse the books for a hint as to what was wrong with his almost-son.<p>

At dawn, he found it. In the last book, of course. And he stood immediately, making his way back to the library. Geoffrey would want the books back as soon as possible, and then Gaius would go see Arthur.

His old heart felt heavy and full of pain. He couldn't believe what he had found… Or, no, he actually could.

_Poor Merlin. _

Poor, dear, brave, always suffering boy. If Gaius wasn't in such a hurry to help him, the old man could have cried.

The old, sleepy librarian took the books back with thanks, grateful that there were no more complications. "Did you find your answer to the black eyes? What caused them?"

"I did find the usual reason for it in my research." Gaius nodded solemnly. "Possession."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There you go. The reason. Smiles all around! Oh, wait, I still have to explain how they fix this, as well as Morgana's plan? Oh, right. I'll update soon, then! Please review! Was the dream sequence too confusing?**


	13. The Day of the Wall Incident

**A/N: Everyone seemed to love getting answers! Lol. Great. Here's some more!**

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><p>It wasn't like Merlin was a puppet.<p>

No, puppets were empty. They didn't resist the people working them. They were being maneuvered, not forced. Merlin wasn't a puppet; it was so much worse than that.

He supposed, were he inclined to be grateful, he could be grateful that Orson didn't force him into embarrassing or just wrong actions, against his own person or anyone else's. Orson wasn't interested in hurting him at all; the pain was just an unfortunate but necessary side effect of Orson's plan. Merlin, however, was not in the least inclined to be grateful. The warlock was feeling rather violated anyway. He was trapped in his own body, made to interact with his friends normally against his will while a revenge-crazed sorcerer plotted the downfall of everything he cared about.

Merlin kept trying to defy Orson, but all he had going for him was the power of the will in his mind. How could he win?

At first, on the way back to Camelot and for days afterward, he tried to call for help. He would wait until a good moment and try to open his mouth to scream that something was wrong. But his jaw remained clenched through his inward struggles. The emotions didn't even flicker across his face, and his screams were never made real. It hurt Merlin to watch his friends laugh and talk cheerfully when he was trying so desperately to reach them. It hurt even more when Orson was forcing him to laugh. Eventually he gave that up, and Orson let him control his own body a bit more. If Merlin wanted to lean left, his brain had to send the signal through Orson's consciousness, and then Merlin would get the order back:

_Lean left. _

And Merlin would.

If he even thought about disobeying, Orson would see it and wrench back control. Or he would _punish _until Merlin let the idea go. Merlin wasn't sure which was worse.

Orson could read his mind, his memories. His thought patterns, behavior… Everything that he needed to know to act the perfect Merlin, if necessary. Merlin tried feeding him inaccurate information, hoping that an out of character action might tip off Gaius that something was wrong. But it was too hard not to think about the fact that he was lying. And then Orson_ punished _again.

The only good thing about that (and its goodness was questionable) was that if Orson could read his thoughts, Merlin could read his sometimes too. Since Orson was the stranger in this brain, it was harder. But Merlin could generally hear his thoughts – along with his orders – although listening to him got tiring, and Merlin tried to block him out sometimes. Along with those thoughts, Merlin could hear his vengeful plan. It was very simple, but neither man had any doubt that it would work.

Orson would simply go along with Morgana's plan. He would let the sisters take care of the distraction, and when he had the unsuspecting Pendragon men near him, he would trap them and kill them. Personally. Through Merlin. Their deaths would not be easy, for Orson was determined to make them pay for all the loved ones he lost… And to know what they were paying for. The old wizard could visualize this part of the plan—and he did, often. It was a favorite fantasy, long and vivid, and since it was in Merlin's brain, he was forced to see it too.

(If Merlin had control of his body, he would have curled up into a ball and cried like a child at the pictures in his brain. He would have packed up and left Camelot. He would have fallen on Arthur's sword. As it was, he could do nothing but endure.)

Then, after the plan succeeded and Morgana was queen, Orson would leave Merlin's body (killing the warlock as he went; he was too dangerous to leave alive) and take up resident in Morgana's, like a parasite with delusions of grandeur. And as Morgana, he would kill Morgause when her back was turned. And then he would rule. Despite the fact that Morgana knew what Merlin would be forced to do while under Orson's power and was okay with it, Merlin really pitied her. She would live a long time with _this_ in her mind and her sister dead by her hands. At least Orson would kill _him_ eventually.

It took a week, but at last Merlin realized that Orson was not alert every single second of the day. Sometimes his attention wandered. And like anyone caught off guard, the sorcerer could be overpowered (briefly) if he had no warning. But it would only be for a second or two before Orson took power back. What could Merlin do in that short span?

Merlin never tried it out or decided on a course of action, because at that moment Orson descended on his thoughts and forced Merlin to let them go.

_It would have to be a spur of the moment thing, _Merlin realized, but then he wasn't thinking much of anything as Orson made him behave.

The chance came when Merlin and Arthur were walking on the castle wall. Orson was relaxed, thinking about revenge. He was telling Merlin to discuss something inane and appropriate. Merlin was being obedient.

And then…

He saw the part of the wall that dipped down. The thought occurred to him.

And a million thoughts occurred to Merlin. _Arthur. Gaius. A person underneath the wall. Pain. The possibility of failure. _

Merlin ignored them, stopped thinking, stopped talking… And dived for the edge of the wall, trying to throw himself into oblivion. Orson snapped to attention, crying out for him to brake, halt. Like two man squabbling over a horse's reins, Orson and Merlin both tried to control the one body. Orson tried to yank back power, but Merlin's momentum sent them forward… Arthur's cry was ignored, and hope filled Merlin. Was it over now? Was the last enemy defeated? Was he about to fall to his death and stop all this?

No.

An old man he might have been, but Orson was in a young man's body. A young man's reflexes.

At the last split second, Orson took control again. He pulled up short. Merlin leaned back, braking, and his mind screamed in frustration.

_No! No! No! I almost had it! I almost… I almost! One more inch, two more! No! _

Merlin's being shrunk back into a corner of his skull, mourning. He had failed. It was over. Arthur and Uther would still die. Merlin would still be forced to kill his best friend with a smile on his face. Pain spiked in his chest… Real pain, but only felt by Merlin. Orson was busy controlling the situation, not even bothering to order Merlin about. Instead he just moved Merlin all by himself, making the words come out.

He patched everything up. Arthur had no idea that as Merlin walked away from him on that wall, Merlin was throwing a fit inside his head, trying desperately to get away from the livid man possessing him.

Orson had been terrified that his plan was about to fail, and the relief he felt afterwards quickly changed to anger at Merlin.

Merlin tried to resign himself.

Orson threw the penalty for his actions at him with the same ease and abandon as Arthur with the objects in his room. He caused Merlin to re-live some of his worst memories time and time again… _Will died, Gaius's lifeless body was propped against an altar, Hunith was suffering, Freya was fading, Morgana was gasping for breath with betrayal in her eyes… _Merlin's nerves caught on flameless fire occasionally, but Merlin couldn't even react. His head pounded. He couldn't think straight.

By the time Orson was finished, it was night. The exhausted wizard, having made his point, relaxed his grip just a bit, but stayed watchful. And as for Merlin, all he could do was muffle his tears into a pillow: the only form of release that Orson ever gave him. He balled his hands into fists (marveling that he could do it without being forced) and beat the offending pillow mercilessly.

"Stop! Just… go away! Get out! _Leave me alone!"_

But Orson didn't, and after a bit, Merlin had no more energy left in him for protesting. He finally slept, but nightmares plagued him all night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay! There we go. I hope that I didn't make Merlin angst **_**too**_** much, but I honestly can think of few things worse than being controlled like this. By the way, I wanted to post a RaR chapter today, but I didn't get the chance. If you read that, look for it tomorrow. Oh, and I think this is the longest Clues chapter… But I could be wrong… Review?**


	14. 3 Days After the Wall Incident

**A/N: This is now the story I'll be focusing on until it is finished. I don't know if that means I'll post every couple of days or once a week, but I will be focusing mainly on this one (except for **_**OWL**_**, once a week as always). Alright, so, back to the present, and enjoy the story! Reviews are loved. **

With something like this, Arthur wasn't really the person Gaius wanted to go to. But he couldn't go to Merlin (or anyone else, really), and Gaius had promised Arthur that he would tell him what he found. If that wasn't enough, Gaius knew that if Arthur was left in the dark, he would get angry and do something reckless. And with Merlin… like he was… that could be dangerous.

So Gaius went to find the prince. It was rather early in the morning, and the prince was sitting in his room on his bed, fiddling with his boots, his sword on the bedside table next to him, when Gaius knocked.

"Come in."

Gaius walked in, and Arthur sat up, his smile a little nervous. "Gaius. Did you find anything?"

"Where's Merlin, Sire?"

"I sent him off to polish some armor. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but it never got done." Arthur paused. "I think he may be a bit angry with me. He's not around here; you can tell me whatever it is."

Gaius shut the door after checking in the hall for any sign of Merlin. When that boy was in sneaking mode, he was hard to keep track of. Coming forward, Gaius told the prince, "I think I've found the solution for everything."

"Really?" Arthur stood up eagerly, brushing his fingers through blond hair. "What is it?"

Keeping his voice low, Gaius said, "You won't like it, Sire, any more than I did… I believe Merlin is… possessed."

"He's what?"

"Possessed."

Horror was painted across Arthur's face, but he tried to remain calm and school his expression. "Like… the goblin episode?" _Oh, no, not more donkey ears…_

"Similar, Sire. But it's no goblin this time. The black eyes are a side effect of a very old spell, tricky to perform. They usually flash black briefly when the person who performed the spell is feeling some strong emotion, because strong emotion makes the spell harder to maintain."

Arthur stared at him, hands on his hips. "You found all that in your research?"

"The books in our library are very thorough, Sire."

Arthur took a step towards Gaius. He was taller than the old man. Not that that wasn't to be expected, but Arthur vividly remembered that not too many years ago, before he was grown, he used to literally look up to Gaius. "Are you telling me," he said slowly, "that there is a sorcerer inside Merlin… _controlling him_?"

"Yes, Sire."

Arthur had to sit down. He wasn't sure which to react to first… The fact that he'd been dealing with – been _alone_ with – an evil sorcerer for days without noticing, or the fact that _Merlin_ was being _controlled _by an evil _sorcerer_.

"How long?" he asked hoarsely.

"I don't know, Sire. When did you first noticing him acting strangely?"

"He started acting off the day we went after those four sorcerers. I thought he was just acting like that because he was unhappy with me… but… That was nearly two weeks ago!" He looked up at Gaius with his eyebrows raised in that incredulous look that only Arthur could really pull off well. "You think it's been _that_ long?" But then, it made sense, Arthur realized. Except for the wall incident. He still couldn't figure that, not if the sorcerer had control of Merlin. Maybe it was all part of some plan?

Gaius nodded. "It makes sense, then; that was probably when it happened."

Probably the old man, thought Arthur, remembering the sorcerer's staring eyes. Merlin crying over the sorcerers' bodies... Arthur suddenly understood.

"Well… how do we fix him?" There had to be a way to fix him, right? Merlin couldn't be stuck that way! And a sorcerer couldn't be allowed to roam free in an innocent boy's body, either.

"I did find something in my research," said Gaius, and the grim smile on his face unnerved Arthur. "An antidote, so to speak, created several centuries ago to remedy a problem similar to this. It's a potion that doesn't take too long to brew, and I can collect or buy most of the herbs within a few days' time. The potion would force the person who performed the spell to leave the body they were possessing and return to their own… However, since the original body is dead, the sorcerer would die too."

"Could the sorcerer just go into another nearby body?"

"Not if everyone in the room had taken some of the antidote beforehand."

Arthur nodded, and Gaius continued, "I'd need help with it, though, Sire. I'd ask Gwen, or Morgana, but I don't want to worry them…" (Well, he didn't want worry _Gwen_...)

Arthur considered this. "You're right, we can't tell them. They would just worry. And Gwen wouldn't be able to hide this from the sorcerer; you can always read the lies on her face. I'll help you, Gaius." He licked his lips to wet them and his hands curled into fists. They would help Merlin and get rid of the sorcerer.

"Sire." Gaius paused and looked at the floor. This was the hardest part. "Sire, the potion… It is largely magical."

Shocked silence.

"Magic must be used to make it. A good deal of magic. Otherwise, the potion will be useless."

Arthur's voice was low and deadly. "Why didn't you mention that at once, Gaius? We can't do that. That's… that's illegal. Even if we wanted to, we don't…"

"Sire, you know that once, before the Purge and the law, I did practice… some magic."

"Gaius, no!" Arthur shook his head adamantly and turned away from the physician. "Even talking about this… is… It's akin to treason, Gaius. We can't break the law. Merlin surely wouldn't want us to… I won't do that, betray my father and…"

Gaius watched him talk, a sinking feeling in his old chest.

Arthur looked back at him, blue eyes blazing with conviction. "There must be another way to get that sorcerer out of Merlin, Gaius. One that doesn't involve using magic, _which is_ _against the law_."

"Only one other way I saw in my research, Sire." Gaius fought to keep his voice steady.

"What is it?"

"The antidote I mentioned before can either be administered—"

"Which is out of the question."

"Or, to either rob the sorcerer of a body to possess or just kill the person doing the possessing outright, the person who the spell was performed on, the victim, can be killed."

Arthur took a startled step back. His eyes wandered from Gaius onto the floor, wide with something close to fear. But Gaius couldn't help noticing that, for all he looked so alarmed, Arthur's hand automatically went out to hover over the sword next to him.

**A/N: Review, I'll try to update soon, and by the way, I have a poll on my profile that needs voters!**


	15. Almost All the Rest will be the Same Day

Merlin looked up from the armor he was polishing when the door to the armory opened. "Lady Morgana," he greeted her.

She smiled at him coldly as she came in.

When Orson had first spotted Morgana, he'd known there was something up with her. Something magical. It was only after prying through Merlin's memories again (he'd thought the one where Merlin hid behind a piece of clothing and pretended to be Gwen while Morgana undressed very funny, but Merlin had not) that he realized Morgana could be an ally for him and gone to find her. That's how the whole plan was born.

"She's ready," Morgana told Merlin. Orson smiled. Merlin tried to flinch.

"Then we can go ahead with the plan," Merlin's mouth said quietly, in case anyone was nearby. "When?"

"We were planning for tomorrow night."

"No," said Merlin slowly. "I think Gaius is still suspicious, and the prince keeps giving me strange looks. Sooner is better... Can you make it tonight?"

"We can," said Morgana in an _I-suppose-if-we-must _tone.

Merlin's head nodded, but inside he was twisting in terror. "I'll be ready, then." And Orson made him smile.

* * *

><p>Gaius watched Arthur's face rapidly changing expressions with worry growing inside of him.<p>

He needed Arthur's help for this. He needed someone to stand by and work on the potion while he performed magic. He needed Arthur to agree. Uther, Morgana—they were out of the question, and Arthur was right about Gwen being too bad at lying to be much use. If they used the potion, Merlin could be saved, and no one needed to die—except the man who stole Merlin's body. If Arthur wouldn't help, but Merlin wasn't killed (and Gaius was loathe to even think the word), then all of Camelot would be in great danger. Someone as powerful as Merlin working against them? It was a nightmarish thought. If Merlin was killed, it would have to be quick. They couldn't just trick the man out, like they had with the goblin; if they tried that, the sorcerer would just try to possess someone else. The only way to end it would be something Merlin – no, the sorcerer – wouldn't see coming, like a sword to the back.

The thought of that was sickening. And it was all down to Arthur now, because Gaius had decided to trust him with the truth this time.

He was regretting it.

Arthur picked up his sword and studied it closely. Needing to do something, he began to pace, all too aware of Gaius's eyes on him. He had a choice here before him, a big choice.

They could break the law and dabble in what he knew to be evil… Or they could kill his friend, something which he also knew to be evil.

No, he thought to himself, it wouldn't be '_they_.' If he decided it was better to end Merlin's life than it was to disobey his father's tenets, he couldn't make Gaius do that. It would be all down to Arthur. Drawing his sword from his sheath even as he paced, Arthur studied the blade. (Gaius tensed, but Arthur ignored him.) He would have to take this sword and use it to kill Merlin, to destroy that light in his eyes.

_Merlin sharpened that sword himself. _

It would keep Camelot safe.

But that didn't make it okay.

On the other hand, he could use magic. Magic was evil, and Arthur knew that well. But so was possessing innocent boys. It was like fighting fire with fire. They wouldn't use a great deal of magic, he figured, not really. They wouldn't let it… let it _corrupt_. Right?

Magic was bad.

It would keep Camelot and Merlin safe.

But that didn't make it okay.

_I don't have to okay magic forever. Just this one time we'd use it, this emergency. We wouldn't use it again, and no one would know. _

The idea was attractive.

_Hypocrite, _snarled a voice in his head. _You've seen people killed for saving family members on their death bed. Didn't you once arrest Gwen, thinking she'd done that exact thing? But it's different when it's _your_ friend?_

If Arthur was to agree to use magic now, he knew he'd never sit right with another execution ordered for a reason like this. He'd never liked them anyway, but he'd have to argue with his father even harder. When he was king, he'd have to show mercy for reasons like that. He couldn't do something like this and then turn around and condemn another for it. That would be wrong.

Arthur looked to his sword again, and he had a vision of it covered in blood, Merlin's blood, and he felt a little dizzy.

Could he kill Merlin to save Camelot?

He thought that, if he had to, he _could_. He had the physical strength and the training.

He thought it just might kill him, though.

_Pick your poison._

Arthur sheathed his sword again and turned to face Gaius, his mind made up.

"Just this once," he said. "Just this once, we'll do it."

_Well, no other choice, I'll just have to show mercy for cases like this one day. _

Not that his decision made magic any less evil, of course.

Just this once.

**A/N: Decided to go ahead and post this, please enjoy, review, yada yada yada. The next chapter is finished, so I'll post that... when I post it.**


	16. See Above

**A/N: Did I neglect to mention that in less chapters, this story recieved more reviews than _How to Accidentally Kill a Warlock_ and _Fired_? I did! Bad Kitty! Well, I just told you now, and I'm so happy :) Thank you all very, very much. You are wonderful people. Now back to the story. **

Orson grew bored of doing chores like the servant he wasn't, and decided to take a break as he took a walk, making sure he (or rather, Merlin), knew the way around the castle nicely while he was at it. Arthur might be a bit angry at the delay, but Orson would have Merlin finish his chores before the prince had time to really get into complaining about useless servants. Besides being totally close-minded and the mindless son of a tyrant, Arthur was rather annoying.

Not that any of that mattered. The prince's hours were numbered.

Gaius and Arthur left the room together.

Merlin slunk back into a small alcove, peeking around the side. They hadn't seen him when they left, since neither had looked back, but he had seen them leave Arthur's chambers together, both looking slightly tense.

_Suspicious, _Orson decided.

Not really, Merlin thought. Gaius is a physician. He sees everyone, for treatments and such.

_Arthur isn't sick. Besides, they both looked guilty, _Orson disagreed.

Merlin didn't argue anymore, but descended back into the state he'd been in until a few minutes ago: acute panic. He was running through everything he could do in his mind, anything to stall or to stop Orson and Morgana.

He was out of ideas, which was pretty much a first for Merlin. So tonight, Arthur and his father were going to die.

* * *

><p>"How will we get it to him?" asked Arthur.<p>

Gaius looked up from the notes he had taken. "We need some… hold on… Now where is it?" He looked over his shelves and selected a bottle.

A dash of the dried brown whatever-it-was went into the plain bowl, and Gaius took up the pestle and began grinding it into the moist mess (which was red).

"Gaius?"

"I'm sorry, Sire, what did you say? Here,. Please grind this for me. I have to go prepare the… rest."

Arthur took the object from the old man and did as he was bid, feeling a little silly. "I said, how will we get this to him? We can't just walk up to him and say, 'Hey, Merlin, drink this highly suspicious-looking liquid. It's medicine to make you smarter,' can we?" Arthur let himself smile a little. "The real Merlin, maybe, but I doubt the imposter would fall for it."

Gaius sighed. Arthur was right… (About everything, he thought as he remembered times when he had made Merlin taste certain disgusting potions. Merlin would probably drink it if they asked him to.) They would have to find a way to get him to ingest the potion, but they couldn't just ask him to. And they shouldn't try to force him to unless they had to. If that sorcerer could control Merlin's magic as well as his body, that would be very dangerous. For everyone involved.

"Should we just hold him down and…?"

"No," said Gaius as he reached for the spell he had written down, a little more sharply than he meant to. "We might hurt him."

Arthur looked guilty, but covered it by pulverizing the now more viscous substance (still red) with more energy.

"I'll sneak it into his dinner," decided Gaius.

"Won't he taste it and stop eating?"

"Hopefully not. If he does… we'll have to resort to force-feeding him." Gaius looked over the written spell. He'd have to say this with his hands out over the soon-to-be possession-remedy while Arthur stirred it.

Arthur nodded. "I'll stay nearby, then, out in the hall until the potion takes effect."

Gaius looked surprised.

"If he figures out what we're up to, the sorcerer might be dangerous. And you'll need help getting the potion to Merlin."

"Thank you, Sire," said Gaius. And he held up his hands and began to intone, _"__Gwneud_ _hyn__mewn__diod__a fydd ..." _

"Gaius!"

Arthur couldn't help himself. Panic like he hadn't felt since the first time he held a sword, the first time his father ever chastised him in public, rose up in him, and he dropped the pestle, which he had been using to gently stir, as instructed.

Gaius looked at him. "Sire, don't stop, we have to make the remedy for Merlin."

"We can't..." We can't do magic, he wanted to say. Was Gaius crazy? He couldn't do this! But Gaius was right. They had to. Of course, they had to. He'd made his desicion and he wasn't going back on it.

Arthur took up the pestle again.

"Continue, Gaius," he said, and began to stir.

"_G__wneud_ _hyn__mewn__diod__a fydd yn__bwrw__allan__i'r__dewin__gan y dioddefwr__y__hud..." _Gaius began to chant again, and Arthur quelled the worry and did as he was supposed to. The substance bubbled itself into a liquid (suddenly it was clear) and hissed a warning at the prince.

* * *

><p>Merlin was on his way back to the armory. He'd followed Gaius and Arthur back to Gaius's chambersto see if they were up to something, and they seemed to be. They were setting up to make some kind of mix or potion, and Arthur looked worried.<p>

He could be helping Gaius since I haven't been around, pointed out Merlin, who was now talking to Orson (somethinghe usually didn't do at all if he could help it) to distract himself.

_No, it's something. I'll just watch my back. _He considered staying to spy, but realized that Gaius and Arthur, or even some random citizen, might see him sneaking and ask questions. And Merlin had chores left. Orson wanted to keep Arthur happy and the chores done.

At least until he killed him tonight.

**A/N: Who wants this to be a reveal, and who doesn't? I'm a little nervous about trying a reveal in a multi-chapter, because I've never done that before, but I've gotten a lot of requests, and the way I have the story planned, it can go either way. So what do most of the readers want?**


	17. See Above Above

"Here," ordered Gaius, holding out a small cup to Arthur. "Drink it."

Arthur looked at the wine. "Will I taste the potion?"

"Past the wine? No, Sire. That's why I didn't use water."

Arthur took it and studied it as though it was going to attack him, then shrugged. _I hope it isn't necessary, _he thought, and drank it quickly, coughing slightly from the faint sting in his mouth and throat. Looking up, he saw Gaius finishing his own potion-laced drink.

"Is that all?" asked Arthur, looking around for something more.

"Yes, Sire. Merlin should be home within the hour for his dinner; it's evening now. You should leave before he gets here. He might be suspicious."

"I'll be nearby," said Arthur, with the acknowledging nod of a warrior who had been told the position to take.

For a moment, neither man said anything. There wasn't really anything else they needed to say. Eventually, Arthur turned and walked out.

Gaius turned around and reached for the stew cooling on the table: Merlin's dinner.

* * *

><p><em>Go to your room, just for appearance's sake… Refuse dinner, and wait for the screaming. Oh, would you <em>stop_ fighting?_

Merlin didn't respond to that, but he kept fighting right through a blast of memories and a burning sensation across his skin.

He made his way down the hall towards Gaius's chambers, his calm countenance belying the inner dialogue (or rather lack of). Walking into the chambers, he casually called to Gaius, "I'm back."

Gaius looked up from his book. "Your supper is on the table." He smiled, but it seemed off.

Merlin shook his head. "Not hungry, thanks."

"You're never hungry these days," Gaius said in a tone of disapproval. "You need to eat."

"No, I'm fine, just bone tired," Merlin lied, starting for his room.

Gaius called him back. "Merlin. Eat."

Merlin stopped and looked at him with confusion. _Why is he pushing this?_

"I'm really not…"

"Am I the physician, or are you? You need to eat."

Seriously, why was Gaius being so insistent? Perhaps he was just worried, just being a parent, since he saw Merlin as the son he never had. But then why the furrowed brow, why the shaky tone?

_What's he trying to pull here?_

Eyes narrowing, Merlin moved warily towards the bowl of stew, and Gaius made too much of a show of not watching him. There was something off, and the real Merlin was just as bewildered as the sorcerer.

It had something to do with the stew.

Did it have anything to do with Arthur and both of them being so suspicious?

Merlin's eyes landed on the bowl. Only one way to find out. Orson reached for Merlin's magic, but Merlin kept a tight grip on it. Orson might have his body, but magic was in his soul, and he'd found that if he concentrated very, very hard, he could sometimes keep Orson from using it easily. Orson gave an internal eyeroll.

"_Datgelu_," he whispered, the word slipping off his tongue like it was covered in oil. His eyes, still watching the food, lit up a burning gold as Orson used his own magic.

Gaius saw no change (and he was watching closely), but to Merlin's eyes, the bowl lit up like a torch in the night. Green glowing came from it, along with the strong medicinal feeling of a secret potion, the faint familiar scent of magic. Orson called off the spell and dragged Merlin's eyes to Gaius in shock.

* * *

><p>Gaius hadn't called him. Why hadn't Gaius called him?<p>

Maybe the plan had gone off without a hitch; maybe the sorcerer was already gone… But then why hadn't they called him? Was it just too soon? Perhaps they were talking or something, and Gaius was trying to be subtle.

How long had it been, anyway?

_Why hadn't he been called? _

Arthur ran a hand across his hair and put the other where his sword would be. He had put it aside for now. In case things got out of hand, he didn't want to accidentally hurt Merlin. Or worse, have the sorcerer get ahold of it. If they had to force the potion Gaius still had on him down Merlin's throat, he would just rely on brute force and not on sharp weapons.

He nearly bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, but caught himself in the middle of the Merlin-like action and instead just waited quietly.

Still, if they took much longer, he was going to burst in there and shove the entire vial into Merlin's mouth. Either that or explode from impatience.

* * *

><p><em>Is he trying to poison you?<em>

Gaius stood up, his face solemn. Alarm bells went off in Merlin's head, but there wasn't a sound in the room.

Merlin took a step towards the door.

Gaius took a step forward, his old eyes glued to Merlin, and from within Merlin's memories Orson recalled an image of Arthur with his eyes trained on his prey while hunting. Merlin took another step back, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Look," said Merlin's mouth while his feet kept moving. "I don't know what kind of joke this is, Gaius, but it really isn't funny, and I think I should…" His hand reached for the doorknob.

Gaius raised his voice to the loudest volume the old man could manage when he called out for backup. "Arthur!"

Whipping around, Merlin leapt for the door. Something was wrong. The plan was not going according to plan if Arthur was nearby or if Gaius knew something… The only answer was to run for his life and hope to improvise.

He threw open the door and nearly ran into a wall of antsy prince.


	18. See Above Above Above

**A/N: For those who are wondering, I decided not to make this a reveal. Sorry, but I thought it all out and decided a reveal would add absolutely zilch to the story. And no, I'm not just chickening out! Not really anyway. Not giving anything else away though :) Except, after this, I'm thinking 3 or 4 more chapters. Oh, please review. I update faster that way, cuz I get all pumped up. **

**NOTE By the way, this scene is a bit similar to one in fernazab's Crossover Blues (a **_**Merlin**_** and **_**Legend of the Seeker**_** crossover). I didn't steal their idea. I just had a like one. Besides, the situations that lead to the similar scenes are different. However, I did ask them about using it before I wrote it, since they did get there first. **

The collision sent shock waves through Orson and Merlin, who both participated in the yelp that escaped Merlin's mouth as his body stumbled backwards, trying to keep from falling.

Arthur closed the door.

Gaius had taken something from the table… A see-through stoppered bottle full of a clear liquid. He stepped towards Merlin. Arthur was getting closer. Merlin took another step back and felt himself brush against a table; he wasn't reversing any further.

Gaius took out the stopper, and the wet popping was audible. He held it up. "Merlin, we just need you to drink this. It won't hurt."

Arthur and Merlin both sent him nearly identical incredulous looks. Arthur couldn't believe that the man could sound so dry and professional when Merlin was wearing the un-Merlin look of a hunted animal about to snap.

Orson eyed the liquid warily. That _wasn't_ water.

_They've caught onto something. _

Merlin thought that was fairly obvious.

"G-Gaius, Arthur, I don't understand what's wrong, but…" He trailed off and tried to think of what to say next. "If we all just… back away…"

Arthur took two long steps forward, reaching out a hand in a manner half reassuring and half restraining. Merlin watched the hand's progress, frozen, as though watching to see if he'd pull it back. But Arthur didn't. He'd nearly grabbed Merlin's arm when something in the room snapped and all pretenses of civility were abandoned.

Merlin threw himself forward, sling-shoting past Arthur and going for the door. His breath came in short bursts… _We have to go, have to get out, tell them the plan is compromised… _

Though he was surprised by the sudden movement, Arthur reacted with all the speed to be expected of a trained knight. He reached out and wrapped his hand around Merlin's arm, stopping him short.

It was like something slimy from the depths of a bog had crawled up and latched onto Orson. Repulsion rushed through his consciousness at the prince's touch, the touch of the man who killed his family and friends. Terror for Arthur grew up in Merlin.

The jerk on his arm nearly made Merlin run his feet out from under him, and from the side view Arthur had, he could see that Merlin's normally cheery blue eyes were a cold, glittering black. A physical sign that someone unwelcome had taken over his servant's body.

"Gaius, come on!" he snapped as Merlin tried to pull away. Arthur quickly hooked an arm around Merlin's chest and pulled him back against the table, imprisoning him. Merlin didn't take well to that, trying to launch himself forward hard enough to break Arthur's grasp. Something like a quiet, strangled, frustrated scream pushed past Merlin's lips in a breath as he strained. Arthur's muscles complained, but he just put his other arm around Merlin's back in a sick imitation of a hug and braced himself.

Gaius skirted around the table in the middle of the room and past his bed, the bottle out in front of him.

Merlin's desperately waving arms struck against Arthur's chest, his face, the table, and whatever else he came near to as he tried to purchase his freedom. Papers, quills, and small knick-knacks cascaded to the ground; Arthur winced against the onslaught of blows and pushed Merlin back into the table, trying to keep him still.

Gaius came forward, the potion at the ready, and Merlin's still-black eyes grew wide with alarm. The black drained and a terrified blue took its place.

"No!"

He redoubled his efforts to escape, despite being bent backwards and trapped on a table.

_Magic. _

Reaching for Merlin's superior magic, Orson found Merlin (who was just as terrified and confused as the other sorcerer) guarding it fiercely and protectively. Orson wouldn't hurt Arthur or Gaius with _his_ magic. Not having time to fight for it, Orson turned to his own magic. He could still turn them both to cinders, anyway.

_No!_

This time it was Merlin's denial, Merlin who struggled like a madman, Merlin who surged against his confines. He reached for Orson's magic, frantic.

Gaius was near now; Arthur was using the arm around Merlin's back to reach across his neck and pull his jaw open.

"Let go!" Orson cried through Merlin, trying to remove his head from Arthur's grip, and then he shut his mouth forcefully. Orson fought a battle on two fronts. Fear gave Merlin extra strength, and getting ahold of his magic was harder than Orson thought. Arthur and Gaius had teamed up on him.

_Magic! _He needed to use his magic _now!_

Merlin's eyes flashed gold. Arthur tensed, and Gaius paused, but nothing happened. Merlin held on tightly, and the magic never made it into the world.

A cry burst through the dark-haired man's clenched teeth. Sweat made him slippery. Merlin and Orson were both aware of pain as Arthur's nails dug into his arm and his jaw was nearly crushed. Then Gaius's hand closed around his nose, making breathing harder... nearly impossible.

Merlin's eyes squeezed shut. Merlin gripped his magic and Orson's magic, feeling stretched. Orson fought to get control back. Arthur's face was red with exertion.

Gaius brought the bottle up and tilted it forward in between Merlin's bared, barely-separated teeth.

Orson gave one last gargling yell, choked, coughed, swallowed, gasped.

All the fight disappeared from Merlin. The tension left his muscles. He stopped trying to pull away from Arthur's almost-hug, his eyes dropped closed, and his knees buckled. Unmoving, he collapsed against Arthur.

A flash of light, blinding and blocking out the world.

A presence pushed against Arthur's consciousness, but a wall of protection kept it out. He could only assume Gaius felt it too.

A silent pop.

The feeling of death, and then the sudden release of relief.

There was silence for a second as Arthur held the still Merlin up and Gaius stood before them. No one moved.

* * *

><p>Merlin felt empty.<p>

No, not empty. Alone. He felt alone.

Everything was black. Why didn't Orson open his eyes?

Oh. Oh, that's why. He was alone. He had to open them. Now how was he supposed to work them again?

With effort, he pushed his lids up and was met with a barrage of color. The white of Gaius's hair, the red of Arthur's shirt pressed right up against his cheek… What? Why was Arthur so close? Arthur didn't like being touched.

Arthur's chest moved with a breath.

_I should get up. _

_The minute I remember how. _

Well, he should start with his legs. They felt like wet clothes, heavy and hard to move. After a moment he'd mastered the art of getting his knees to support his weight, and he managed to pull away from Arthur's grip. This time, Arthur let him go.

Merlin took deep breaths (all on his own!) and looked into the worried faces of Arthur and Gaius.

"Merlin?" asked Arthur. "Are you yourself again?"

"Merlin, you should sit down," said Gaius.

Ah. Talking. Blast, he was supposed to talk. Right. He could do it by himself. "I'm… fine. I'm… me…"

And then it hit him.

_Morgause!_

_She's still going to attack Camelot any minute now!_

"Uh…" He looked around one last time. "I'll be right back," he said.

And then he (somehow) managed duck away from Arthur's grabbing arms and to run, albeit shakily, right out the door before the surprised Arthur and Gaius could call him back.

**A/N: ****I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, especially the end. On one hand, I like it. On the other, it's not what I had in min when I started. What do you think?**


	19. See Above x4

**A/N: Some people commented that Merlin seemed to recover from that really fast. My only defense is that he technically had nothing to recover from… He just had to remember how to work himself again xD That and adrenaline, which I think a lot of people will agree is a very useful thing indeed for us humans to have. **

"Merlin!"

Arthur was two steps behind Merlin, and Gaius not far behind him. They both ran to the door as it was swinging shut, and Arthur nearly ripped it off of its hinges getting it open. "Merlin, wait!"

But Merlin wasn't in the hall. How in the world was he so fast…?

"Where'd he go?" asked Arthur, turning back to Gaius.

"I don't know, Sire."

"We have to find him," said Arthur, giving orders like he was good at doing. "In his state, who knows what he'll do? Blast, why couldn't he just tell us what he's running off to do for once?" He went for his sword, grabbing it out of the hall and putting it on.

"Merlin doesn't like to ask for help," noted Gaius.

"I know," said Arthur. "It's one of his more annoying qualities. Let's find him."

* * *

><p>Merlin wasn't really sure how he was running. He knew, of course, that running involved quickly putting one foot in front of the other. But somehow running felt wrong, and if the funny looks he was getting were anything to go by, he was doing it clumsily. Either that or everyone wondered where he was going in such a hurry. If he thought too much about what he was doing, he began to feel wobbly. But if he just tried not to focus on how he was doing what he was, then it became easier. Luckily he had plenty of thoughts to keep him busy.<p>

Like, would he reach Morgause in time to stop her? If not, he might have to stop her right in front of everyone… And that wasn't an appealing thought.

If he did reach her, could he stop her? He'd been pushing his magic down and out of reach for weeks, and he was exhausted to boot—no doubt a side effect of his body and mind being jostled around and force-fed a vile (though blessed, thank the gods for Gaius and Arthur!) potion. Using magic to speed himself out of the castle probably hadn't helped matters either. Morgause would be at full power. He was (probably) stronger than her, though… Would it be enough?

And would he ever get back full control of his body? He felt like he was wearing clothes that were much too big and restricted his movement, and he didn't like it.

Merlin caught himself from tripping over a crack in the road and pitching headfirst into a stack of hay. Almost there. Morgause would use her invisibility spell right outside the gates of Camelot, right before she left the woods. That way she could get as close as possible to the castle as possible without running into anyone. She'd uncloak there and begin… distracting. Probably throwing fire. And when Arthur and Uther were both inside the castle, in the same room, perhaps talking over how to defeat her… that's when Orson was to have carried out his end of the plan. That way there was no way either man could escape.

Only now Orson was dead.

So Morgause would probably just settle for seeing if her spells could kill one Pendragon or the other.

Unless Merlin stopped her now.

He was out of breath by the time he reached the woods. The guards didn't even move to look at him out of the corner of their eyes, and he cursed their uselessness.

A few minutes, a stitch in his side, and one tripping over of a root later, he saw her. She was just beginning to cast her spell, her blonde hair hanging down her back on top of her armor.

"_Morgause!"_

He didn't wait for her to turn around before he cast the first spell. This was no time to be chivalrous.

All the same, she didn't get hit by the fireball he threw her way.

She spun and dived out of the way, glowering at him as she quickly climbed back to her feet.

"Orson?" she hissed, her eyes narrowing.

Merlin felt his knees begin to shake at the sound of that name, and weakness passed over him. He banished it. He didn't have time. _"Trawiad pwer!"_

Morgause's brown eyes widened and her hand flew out. _"Adlewyrchu!"_

The light that had flown from Merlin's hand bounced off of her and flew back at Merlin, catching him by surprise and throwing him against the ground.

He groaned, looked up, and then rolled out of the way as Morgause sent another spell at him. The ground where he had been lying was now scorched black.

"I told Morgana we couldn't trust you," she said angrily, livid as she stalked towards him. "I told her. Orson, you'll be sorry you betrayed us."

"Not Orson," Merlin said. "I'm Merlin. Orson's dead."

And he had to say that even as he called up his next spell, he enjoyed the look of surprise flashing across her face.

"_Grym," _he hissed, and Morgause was pushed back against a tree, yelping as something cracked in her back.

Before she recovered, he used it again. _"Gyrm!"_

He was waning. He was tiring. Wait, tiring? No, he was _tired_ before he even got here. Now he was on verge of _collapse_. He just had to keep holding her off long enough for her to get the idea and run. She would retreat. He was sure of it.

Morgause's head throbbed where it hit against the tree, and she couldn't see straight for the spells raining down on her. She couldn't believe it. Orson had told them, of course, that Merlin had magic.

Yet somehow she hadn't believed it.

She managed to block one spell, a potentially deadly one powerful to make Merlin turn red from the effort of casting it.

She couldn't think like this. She had to do something. Kill him. Fight him off. Where was her pillar of flame?

She cast the spell, and Merlin yelled as the trees around him burst into flames. He leapt out of the way of the wall of fire, burning his hands on the ground and hissing with the pain. The flames, missing their target, dissolved.

Morgause's brown eyes went gold as she flipped her golden locks and started another spell, but she didn't get it off before Merlin tried to spear her with magic.

She couldn't defeat him now. Not like this, with no time to prepare. He thought fast… Why hadn't she known he thought so fast? Orson had said he was powerful… But… She just hadn't believed him. Again.

Morgause made a decision right then.

She had other plans in the works, anyway. This was not what she'd come for.

With one last spell meant to break a few of his bones (he blocked it), Morgause turned and ran from the warlock. She'd be back anyway.

Behind her, he sent a tree crashing to the ground in her general direction, and she felt the ground vibrate when it landed.

Yes, indeed, she'd be back.

Merlin watched her go.

_That wasn't too bad,_ he decided, and then he wondered why another voice didn't answer him. And then remembered that Orson was dead, thanks to Gaius and Arthur.

"I need to thank them. I should walk back and thank them…" he muttered to himself.

He looked down at his burnt hands. His hair smelled singed too. Was that blood on his arm?

Oh, gods, he was trembling. He was shaking so badly it was affecting his vision. All the energy he'd gotten from fighting Morgause, the rush he'd received from having to save Camelot again, was gone.

Merlin crumpled, hit the ground, and closed his eyes. He didn't get up again. He didn't want to, and he hadn't the energy or the willpower. And pretty soon he was unconscious.

He would stay there until someone else found him, because he _wasn't_ getting up on his own.

**A/N: Only like two more chapters. Anyone want to see a sneak peak of the story I'll be publishing after I finish this story? Here, it's short:**

**-00-**

_**"**__**Just One, Big, Happy Kingdom: Merlin's in for a world of facepalm when an old, batty version of himself decides to teach him a lesson by sending him to an alternate universe. One where he has to deal his friends' evil alter egos. And if Merlin's here, where's bad!Merlin...? No slash. **_

_**"Rated T, Friendship/Humor. Characters Merlin & Arthur."**_

**-00-**

**Well, there you go. Review?**


	20. See Above x5 and That Evening

It took only an hour to find Merlin.

It could have taken much longer, but the guard at the gate mentioned to Arthur that he saw the servant leave the city in a rush, and so Arthur didn't waste time searching within the walls.

And then the smoke rising into the sky had been an indicator of sorts that something was going on.

They found Merlin looking like he was hugging the ground; stomach planted into the grass and dirt and his arms stretched out to either side, sleeping. Near him were several smoking trees and scorch marks and one tree that had been felled.

Arthur had a lot of questions. Questions about how and why Merlin had run all the way out here just to collapse. Questions about how he'd managed to light the woods on fire and burned his hands on it, for Arthur could see that Merlin's hands were raw and red. And once he thought a bit more about it, he had some questions about why in the world someone would want to possess Merlin in the first place. He had questions about why a sorcerer in Merlin's body _wouldn't_ attack with magic when he was being force-fed a potion.

Yes, he had a lot of questions.

But as he knelt by Merlin's side and watched Gaius take his pulse, Arthur decided not to ask those questions. He had a lot of reasons for that, too.

For one thing, Merlin would probably lie. He did that a lot—poorly, but they were still lies. He decided not to ask because he might not like the answer, and Arthur didn't really want to have to deal with _that_. He'd already considered killing a friend, saved the same friend, and condoned the use of magic, all within the space of a day or so. Arthur decided not to ask because Merlin didn't look up to doing any answering. And, perhaps most predominately, he decided not to ask because as they knelt there, Merlin's eyes fluttered open, and they were shining with moisture, and he looked up at Arthur and Gaius, whispering, "Thank you…" before he closed his eyes, letting himself relax.

So, instead of asking, Arthur stood up and wiped his hands on his shirt. When Gaius started to ask Merlin to stand, Arthur shook his head. "I'll carry him back, Gaius, in case he's injured," he said, and looked around. "And we should probably get some water to put out what's left of these fires before Camelot burns down."

* * *

><p>He'd gotten a few days off and something for the pain of the burns. Gaius had wrapped his hands in some soft cloth after putting some ointment on them. The sting didn't disappear, but it lessened, and for that Merlin was grateful.<p>

He lasted until evening, alone in his room, before he'd insisted that the silence was driving him mad and said he'd like to talk to someone.

And he couldn't even explain the joy that being able to give an order gave him.

Arthur came in and sat in a chair next to Merlin's bed. "Of course you wanted to talk to someone," he teased fondly. "When do you _not_ want to talk?"

"Well, I haven't gotten to really talk to anyone for more than a week," Merlin told him, sitting up.

"Lie down; Gaius said that medicine will make you sleepy." Arthur resisted the urge to ask exactly what had happened.

Merlin did as he was bid with less fuss than he usually made about following orders. Looking up at Arthur, he blinked his blue eyes and said, "I haven't thanked you or Gaius, have I?"

"Yes, you have." He smiled. "I'm not sure you were awake though."

Merlin thought about it. "What happened?" he asked. "How did you know? About the potion and… whatever happened?"

Arthur settled back into his chair and began the story, explaining how he'd noticed Merlin's behavior changing after the sorcerers, but that he hadn't sought out Gaius until the wall. He told Merlin about the black eyes. He even apologized (in a roundabout, _Arthur_ way) for shoving Merlin. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to mention that the potion had been magical, so he left it unsaid. Maybe Merlin would get it anyway.

"The potion drove the sorcerer from your body, and since he couldn't enter mine or Gaius's, and couldn't flee back to his own… He died," Arthur finished lamely.

Then he turned his eyes back to Merlin.

For a moment, there was silence similar to what could be heard at a funeral.

And then Merlin whispered, "His name was Orson."

Like opening floodgates, that one sentence started the downpour, and Merlin told Arthur. He told him about how terrified he'd been, about how Orson had wanted to kill Uther and Arthur (but he didn't say how, knowing that dragging Morgana into this would just cause problems for everyone, mostly him), about how he couldn't move or talk or even breathe without the instruction of another man who'd stolen his free will.

Arthur didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm sorry," he at last decided on. "He's dead now."

Merlin looked up at him, something like anger in his eyes, and he burst out with the unexpected sentence: "He wouldn't have had to be killed. If his family hadn't been killed, if he hadn't wanted revenge so much, if we hadn't gone to attack the sorcerers with no warning at all… It wouldn't have happened, any of it, and he wouldn't have to be dead."

"Merlin… This man… He… This sorcerer, he took over…"

"I know." Merlin covered his eyes with his hand briefly, looking older. "I know. I know it best." He looked at Arthur, the anger back. "But that man was in my head for almost a fortnight, closer than he had any right to be, and I could see so many of his thoughts. He was _grieving_." The way he said it, one could tell that Merlin knew what grieving felt like. Merlin's voice cracked and dropped so low as to be almost inaudible. "He was hurting."

Ignoring the pain in his hands, Merlin used them to help turn himself over onto his front, getting more comfortable. All the anger was gone. "I'm sorry. It's not like I'm not glad he's gone… I'm grateful, so grateful, to you and to Gaius… It's just…" He stumbled over his words for a second longer, and then gave up and miserably buried his face in his flimsy pillow.

Arthur, for once, inexplicably knew what to say. Leaning forward, he patted Merlin's back, his hand landing on the clean, non-scorched shirt.

"It's alright, Merlin," he said gruffly (trying not to sound _too_comforting, lest Merlin misconstrue his words as the worry of a friend). "It's alright."

Merlin, for his part, just rested there, breathing hard into his pillow. He didn't cry – he thought he'd forgotten how – but just buried his face deeper and clung to the moment, trying to find peace in it. Not working, not being ordered, not having to do anything but lay there, listen to Arthur's words, and heal.

**A/N: Well, what did you think? I kind of like the last part. Only one more loose end to tie up… I'm sure you can guess what that is?**


	21. One Week Later

He had been back to work for a few days, though he kept the bandages around his hands for a bit longer, and he didn't have to do any real lifting at least until they came off. Gaius's orders, of course. Arthur would never have thought to let him off of some work without prompting. Gaius had finally stopped watching him like he was about to suddenly get depressed or go crazy and kill himself. Merlin went back to his earlier routine almost seamlessly, and he had ceased suddenly shutting down in the middle of conversations as he waited for someone else to start controlling him. He started talking to Gwen again. No one except Merlin, Arthur, and Gaius knew what had happened, and Orson was gone. And on top of all that, the sun had been out and cheerfully shiny, and the weather hadn't been at all bad lately.

Overall, Merlin was more content than he'd been in a while. Sure, he still lived where his natural gifts could get him killed, and he still had to save Camelot without recognition, and Morgana – his own personal failure – still wanted to see everything he loved come crashing down about his protruding ears.

But he was free to smile, free to talk, and no one was forcing him to do _anything_! It took a brief period of possession to make him really appreciate that. (All the same, he thought he'd learned his lesson quite effectively, and did not by any means need a repeat.)

There was only one dark spot in his joy, the shadowy umbrage of someone who just had to try and make him miserable. Morgana. Just seeing her, even if she wasn't looking his way, sent a pang of fear down his spine, but he pushed it to the side and told himself he'd have to get over that. It was worse when she did see him. She couldn't seem to decide whether she wanted to smirk at him in a way that screamed "I know your secret, and as soon as it will further my plans, I will expose you," smile at him icily in a way that whispered, "I know how painful the memory is for you," or glare at him in way that hissed, "You ruined my plan and you will _pay_." No matter what she decided on when she ran into him, Merlin wasn't happy with the way her looks made him feel. Not least because she might actually decide to divulge his secret, and then where would he be?

Probably tied to a pyre in the courtyard or running for his life, just like Balinor.

_Or hiding until we can find "proof" that I'm innocent yet again. _

He had to smile at that, but the grin had a worried tinge to it.

Merlin was sitting in the armory, polishing something stubbornly dirtied, when it occurred to him that really, it wasn't fair that Morgana should be so angry at him about this. Especially since he actually saved her too.

Putting down his cloth, he wondered what he should do about it. He could sit here and simmer, of course. He could suffer in silence. He could… No, he couldn't do that.

Except, actually… He could. Merlin couldn't help himself. He laughed. Perhaps it wouldn't be the best advised course of action, but then, who really cared anymore?

More than a week of someone else's plotting in his head made him want to pick his own path. So he thought he would. And he would enjoy walking it, no matter what.

_Not much to lose anyway. _

Merlin stood up, still smiling, his shoulders squared, and walked out the armory and towards Morgana's chambers. They would have a little talk.

How would he start?

How about… _"You know, Morgana, I don't think you realized that I saved your sister's life and kept you from a life of being possessed."_

Or maybe something about how Orson planned on betraying everybody?

And then he could finish up by telling Morgana that actually, no, he didn't have magic; what he used was just the residue of Orson's magic that hadn't left his body yet.

Well, she might not believe that.

Heck, she might not believe any of it. She might toss him out of her room on his ear and then go right back to plotting whatever plot she was working on now. Or toss him against a wall again. And then Gwen would ask him why Morgana was in such a horrible mood, and Arthur would look at him as though he was crazy to be angering Uther's ward.

It would probably all be worth it to say what he wanted to say and know that the words were all his own.

As he walked down the hall, trying to squash down his smile, he began to hum absentmindedly.

_-End-_

**A/N: So that's the end. I thought after all that angst, Merlin deserved a more light-hearted chapter. I hope you enjoyed the story, and since it's the last chapter, I would love to hear from everyone kind enough to review one more time. I'm really curious as to what everyone thought of the story overall, the style, the IC-ness (I'm honestly very nervous about that this story), the plot... Whatever. Oh, biggest thing! Did I leave any clues unexplained or any loose end not tied at the end? I think I got them all, but like I said, it's my first mystery-like story, so I'm not really sure how I did at the ending. **

**I hope you liked it. **

**Oh, and if you are someone who expressed interest in that new story, I have published it. **

**Kitty O of Awesomeness, PBO, signing off!**


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